Removing Negative People From Your Life

Last blog entry I stated that “you stay motivated by surrounding yourself with positive people”. Later I was asked “well what do you do with the others in your life?” So…let’s talk about how to remove negative people from your life. There comes a point in many relationships when you know that you need to end it. Romantic, friendships, or even family members! No matter whom it is, if you know on some level that they are doing you more harm than good… Evict them from your life. Immediately! While it may sound harsh, you owe it to yourself and your sense of inner peace to eliminate unhealthy people from your circle as soon as possible.

If an individual makes you feel bad about yourself, what you do, how you are…. then the person is toxic. Toxic people often make others feel badly in order to feel better about themselves. Or they discourage you from following your dreams because they don’t have the courage or discipline to follow theirs. These people serve no purpose and as you get closer to your goals in life, you have much less time for idle relationships. And you faster you cut idle people out of your routine the faster you will reach your goals.

If this person is a family member and you can’t “evict” them minimize the time spent around them. You can also set clear boundaries with toxic people who you can’t evict. If they cross a line and they go too far with their commentary then let them know that although you love them and care for them, their negativity isn’t welcome. Explain to them that if they can’t be positive or respectful, then you can’t be around them.

And I know I repeat this alot but, surround yourself with positive people! The more time you spend with positive people the less time you have for the joy kills. I’ve also noticed that people will either change or remove themselves. Usually it’s removing themselves….because many fear change. Positive thinking is changing your whole mindset! This can be difficult for most…and as I stated earlier….many of these people lack courage to take these kinds of life steps.  I have purposely invited “joy killers” to events where I knew alot of positive energy would be in the room. They both love it and want more of it which helps them change for the better… or they hate it. They sit in the corner with their face balled up basking in their negative aura and they never want to come with me again. So instead of me needing to evict them they break the friendship lease themselves.

Bottom line is that people in your life either pull you up or bring you down. It’s one or the other….you determine what your relationships do for you. Once you come to that conclusion it’s all on you. We Are Responsible for Everything in Our Lives! Including the relationships we maintain. Stay Mega Motivated.

Who Motivates the Motivator????

So after quite a few conversations with different friends I’ve noticed some things. Most people I develop relationships with are motivators. Even my childhood friends…those who are still in my life are motivators in one way or another. I don’t do too well in draining friendships….you know…those who suck the life out of you. This goes for platonic relationships and romantic ones. I’ve also noticed that these motivators often look to me for motivation in one way or another. So I started asking myself “Who motivates the motivator?”

 

First off it’s not only “who” but “what”. Many of us are out here speaking and writing while working to support our families. This can be a daunting task. BUT….if you stay motivated and see the bigger picture it relieves some of the pressure. People often ask me how I find time to write, work fulltime, do community service and be a great mom. And the answer is ‘I have no idea’. I spend my time “doing” and not wondering how it can get done. So here’s what motivates a motivator

1)     Listen to good info. As you listen, apply the truths to your life & they will become what you live!

2)      Focus clearly on your goals. My goals are firmly rooted in my mind and heart. Because of this, I always have an attitude of motivation.

3)      Discipline. When you discipline yourself you will find you’re becoming more and more motivated. Being disciplined gives you victories that make you feel good, which in turn motivates you for further action. This can be discipline to stay organized, to budget your money etc.

4)      Talk to the people that we serve. Being a motivator is a form of service….and all those who come to your speaking engagements, read your blog or buy your books are those you serve. When to feel like you have to put your motivational tasks on the back burner due to circumstances remember that this is something that you have been called to do. It’s not an option. Now, what you can do is change your game plan. Maybe you can’t travel for gigs, maybe you can now only do evening and weekend gigs locally. Maybe u can only do Vlogs or webisodes and not live gigs. Destinations often have detours…and that’s OKAY. Slow progress is better than No progress!

5)      The most important of them all! Maintain a positive group of friends and colleagues. One of the best things you can do is to surround yourself with positive people who will build you up and encourage you to pursue your dreams. They will be honest with you, yes, but they will also challenge you to shoot for the stars!

I refuse to let any of my friends give up on the goal at hand. I support detours, short breathers…. But they can’t give up! Apart of my job is to motivate the motivators. Keeping them motivated so when I’m down there is someone to motivate me.

If one of my friends/ motivators give up that means 2 things. One, I have one less motivator, and two, I failed! So shout out to all my motivators because I refuse to be a full time worker and a part time friend!

Six Cop Outs People Use to Claim They Are Not Gossiping (when they really are)

I’d never considered gossiping one of my particular faults. Sure, from time to time I said something behind someone’s back, but not often. Right? Wrong.

As so often happens with my Positive Thinking Project, it was only when I made a point to quit this bad habit that I realized how ingrained it was.

By “gossip,” I mean “making unkind or unnecessary remarks behind the back of someone I know.” Saying, “Paris Hilton is trashy” doesn’t count as gossip.

We all know that we shouldn’t gossip, so sometimes we try to disguise the fact that that’s what we’re doing. Here are some common “defenses”  used to justify gossip:

1.“I’m just concerned.” 
“I’m worried about her, she seems unhappy, I wonder if she got a bad evaluation.” “Those two never seem to do anything together, I hope their marriage isn’t in trouble.” It’s none of your business so why are you so concerned??? I will bet money you really aren’t too concerned if you are discussing it with anyone else other than the parties involved.

2. “I’m thoughtfully analyzing to my friend’s character.” 
“Do you think he’s so arrogant because his mother pushed him so hard as a child?” “Do you think she spends so much money on clothes because she feels some kind of lack in her life?” No….you are finding fault in your friend…and once again…it’s not really any of your business and unless it’s being explored with your friend how can this uplift them at all?

3. “I’m entitled to my opinion.” 
“That party was too lavish for a bunch of six-year-olds.” “The hors d’oeuvres were terrible.” “He’s such a pompous bore.” True….you are. But is stating it necessary? Remember…you only get in the energy you put out.

4. “I’m passing along information that a lot of people already know.”
“They’re fighting over custody.” “He’s gained at least twenty pounds.” If a lot of people know…they don’t need one more person to help spread the word.

5. “I’m just relaying a conversation.”
“He said, ‘I’m thinking about quitting,’ and I said, ‘Can you afford to quit?’ and he said….” “She told me that they spent more than $10,000…” Keep conversations to yourself…period point blank. Be trust worthy and honest.

6. “I’m not gossiping, you are.”
“So what did you think of what she was wearing?” “Did the CEO think they bombed the presentation?”

Here’s the test of whether something is gossip or not: if I wouldn’t want the person who’s the subject of the conversation to overhear what I’m saying, I shouldn’t be saying it. Gossip is most often  just rude, two-faced, and mean-spirited.

Since I’ve cut down on gossiping substantially (I can’t claim to have quit), I’ve noticed a change in myself that I didn’t expect: I feel less paranoid that people might be angry at me, or that I’ve done something wrong. I feel kinder and gentler and I feel less judgmental.

This post was hard to write, because I’m ashamed to admit to gossiping AT ALL. Maybe this confession will help me along in my Positive Thinking Project.

 

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